you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
