alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So much rum. So many feels.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
PANTIES FOUND
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
