life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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