You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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