what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
