I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
