How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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