its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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