I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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