Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
