I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my poor anus
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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