I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
