He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
