I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
