ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
