Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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