Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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