I'm eating all of the evidence.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
