apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
