Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
