A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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