dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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