She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
