Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
