o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
