What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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