I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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