i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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