Im at strip club and am horny
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
