Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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