We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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