Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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