New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There r osticjed everywhere
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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