i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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