we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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