I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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