OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
