just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
