if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
