you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
