Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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