my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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