Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
