but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
