Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
