So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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