How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
