Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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