have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
