I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
