If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
