You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
