told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize