Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
