So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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