i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize