Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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