So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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