Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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