my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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