you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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