he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
