If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
