You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
