whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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