with your own penis?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
