Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
