Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
